Banana Boats and Beach Huts!

Hi all, been a while writing up our latest blog due to searching for a new home and taking Thom Khune, a 7 year old elephant to a luxury villa in Maenam for a wedding ceremony.  Finally, after traipsing around to look at many houses and apartments, we have secured a 6-month lease on a beachfront property.  More on that later. 

A beach wedding in most people’s eyes couldn’t be more romantic; throw in a baby elephant and a beautiful Thai bride and bingo – it’s the stuff dreams are made of.  We travelled about half an hour from the Safari Park with Thom Khune in convoy behind us in a truck.  On arrival at the villa, he was dutifully unloaded and was able to roam about on the beach and in the sea for about an hour before he was needed to perform his duties.  A sight to behold.  Imagine the cost and H&S issues involved if you wanted to have an elephant at a wedding in the UK – doesn’t bear thinking about.  This cost the happy couple the equivalent of £300!  The beach area just outside the back of the villa had been set up with rows of chairs and an awning where the ceremony was to be performed and was all decorated in white voile and purple orchids.  There was a carpet of orchid petals winding from the back of the villa to the wedding awning and each chair was covered in white lace with a banana leaf tied around the upper part and this was fashioned in such a way that on each chair back there was a small palm leaf rolled up into a small cone which held purple and white petals to be used as confetti to throw over the newly married couple.  We felt so honoured to be part of the wedding party and the ceremony was just beautiful.   A Scottish minister delivered the wedding sermon and the couple declared their love for each other with personal vows which were actually quite moving.  Their choice of music for the proceedings was somewhat twee though, Lionel Ritchie’s “Endless Love”, Minnie Ripperton (you all know the one!) and Bruno Marrs’ “I want to marry you” wouldn’t be my choice but there you go – each to their own!  The new couple then “boarded” Thom Khune and were taken down the shoreline of the beach on his back while all the guests took photographs (including us).  We have been lucky enough to be invited to another wedding on Boxing Day – a huge affair apparently – that will require several elephants!  Can’t wait!

Thursday 10^th November was Full Moon in Thailand.  Thousands flock to Koh Phangan for the famous full moon parties!  You would imagine that Dan and I would be first in the queue for this experience.  Not so.  We were invited to an annual festival called Loy Krathong and were keen to sample a real Thai custom.  We spent the afternoon making little boats from banana leaves and trunks.  We had to make a 4-inch or so disc out of the trunk which involved cutting and chopping and shaving it so that it was perfectly level.  We then decorated the edges with folded up banana leaves and flowers and in the centre we placed an incense stick and a candle.  Some of the Krathongs (that’s what the boats are called) are huge and so intricately made it put ours to absolute shame, but it was the first time we had done it and we were pleased with the result.  That evening we met our friends, Nuch and Sombat, and they took us down to Laemsor Temple, which is 2 mins on the bike from our house and we, along with hundreds and hundreds of others set our boats off, candles and incense burning away, from the shore into the sea.  The custom is that you ask the Mother Sea to forgive you for a bad deed you may have committed in the previous year and to ask for good luck for the following year.  Some people even put a lock of hair or toenail clippings into the little boat as a symbol of throwing away the bad.  The whole shoreline, as far as they eye could see, was filled with all manner of Krathongs, all twinkling and burning away in the distance under the light of the full moon.  Beats any alcohol-fuelled party on Koh Phangan any day.  Now don’t think we’ve gone all Buddhist and holy – we did end up back at the safari park afterwards for our own full moon party with the tiger trainers.  They had invited us for a few beers and offered to cook dinner for us too.  These guys get paid a pittance so to be invited for dinner was quite humbling.  They know that I can’t eat anything too spicy so made allowances and we were presented with a chicken broth, pork curry and some vegetable dishes and rice.  And it was delicious.  We all sat around the tiger enclosure with a makeshift electric light above us, listening to Pit Bull (they love it!) and tucked in, spooning great mouthfuls of food into us.  All was going extremely well until Dan and I noticed something strange.  Our rice was moving!  Yes actually moving in the bowl.  Ever noticed how similar in form rice is to maggots!!!!!  A big slug of beer and closed eyes ensured that we were able to continue eating without fear of insult to the boys!  ITV should come here for the real “I’m a celebrity”!!!!

Now, back to the property search.  In order for us to be able to stay in Thailand for as long as possible, we needed to find cheaper accommodation.  After a week or so of searching and just not finding anything that we felt we could make home, we found the perfect place!  It’s a small beach house that sits practically on the shoreline and is still only 10 mins from work.  We have a basic kitchen and bathroom, one bedroom and a large living room.  The only modern feature it boasts is a flushing toilet and shower (cold water mind you which might take some getting used to!)  There is no glass in the windows, just traditional Thai wooden shutters with mozzie screens in the openings and the front door looks like it’s been nicked from the local Co-Op and shoved in an opening at the front of the house!  You think we are crazy and I can understand that but when you open the back door you are presented with a little terrace, with three perfectly placed palm trees in a garden of sand (perfect for hammocks) and a view of the ocean and Koh Tan, a small island in the distance, which is just amazing.  And all for the princely sum of £20 a week!  Yup that’s right – no zeros missing - £20 quid a week.  That wouldn’t buy you a round of drinks in a pub at home!  We signed the 6-month lease pronto and have started to make it home.  I am currently writing this blog whilst sat outside, under the roof terrace with a terrific storm going on, rain pelting down, the sea kicking up huge waves and y’know what? I couldn’t be more content!

Speaking of content and of course why wouldn’t we be, living in this tiny bit of paradise, not all things in Thailand are so easy going.  We’ve mentioned before about the stray dogs and whilst they are mostly friendly, we had an unfortunate incident with one not so friendly pooch a few days ago.  Driving along one of the beach roads, as we have done so hundreds of times before, a large tan coloured dog started barking at us as we rode by.  OK, a bit scary but usually nothing a quick forward hand movement on the accelerator doesn’t fix and the dog can’t be bothered to run any faster and stops and you go about your business.  Not so on this occasion!  It carried on chasing us and then started to snarl and gnash.  Just as our luck would not have it, there were two or three large speed ramps in the road and you have no choice to but to either slow down or bottom out the bike on them and possibly risk coming off!  Dan was trying like crazy to get over these safely and ensure we both stayed on the bike and this bloody dog was getting nearer and nearer and more and more ferocious to the point that its teeth were centimetres from my bare legs! I do not exaggerate!  It was terrifying.  The sounds of terror coming out of my mouth were like nothing I’ve ever heard before.  It was like I was looking down on my own nightmare!  My knees were somewhere up over my own ears so hard was I trying to get my bare flesh out of the path of the dog’s teeth; we had no protection at all (we carry a big pointy FO stick everywhere now) and it took all my soul and being not to excrete a large house brick into my pants!  Being attacked by a dog is bad enough but to know that it might carry rabies gives a whole new dimension to the word fear!  Thankfully we managed to get away, flesh intact albeit very shaken up.  We stopped as soon as it was safe and got some water but my hands were shaking so much, not much of it reached my lips – I promptly burst into tears.  I think it was some sort of shock taking over.  I never, EVER want to experience that again.  It was horrific!

We’ve still lots of experiences to blog about not least Dan being MC for the animal shows in front of 100s of tourists and us making a TV programme about the Safari Park yesterday for Thailand TV but will save that for the next time. Please don’t worry about us as despite moving rice, rabid dogs and mozzies the size of small bats, we are alive and well, have not contracted any tropical illnesses or met with any accidents and are having the time of our lives.  If everything goes according to plan, we’re not planning on coming back to the UK anytime soon.

Take care M&D x

Monks, Mozzie Bites and Idiots!

A birthday party with a difference loomed on Sunday.  We were invited by our Thai friend Nit and her husband, Micky, to her birthday party.  Nit once spent two months with her head shaved in a Buddhist temple and became very close to the head monk there, who incidentally is very famous in Thailand.  He was invited to come.  And he duly did… with six other monks of various ages, all bedecked in orange robes.  Nit had spent days getting her house and garden ready for their arrival.  They had put fairy lights all round the house and garden, it looked just beautiful.  Friends and family started arriving from about 9am, including us, and the monks arrived (in an air-conditioned minibus – I had expected them to come walking along the road in a line chanting, desperate for sustenance after a long and weary trek – I’ve watched The Karate Kid once too often!).  When they arrived, it all became very somber and the atmosphere was suddenly very serious.  Thai religion is steeped in customs and culture and is revered all over the world for its quiet dignity.

The monks all proceeded to go through to the garden which Nit had made ready with pillows and cushions and prayer houses, all decorated with fresh flowers and incense sticks burning away.  All over the garden were tables laden with fruit and cooked and raw meats – and bottles of Thai Whiskey – all as offerings for the Buddha.  These were all surrounded, in and around the offerings, with incense sticks and burning candles.  The monks all sat crossed legged in a long row and intertwined themselves with string which was also running around the house joining them and everyone in it together.   Everyone, including us, although we weren’t quite sure what we were meant to be doing, was now bowing with prayer hands and quietly chanting.  Nit and her husband kneeled down and lit candles by the first monk and he started chanting some sort of Mantra that we obviously didn’t understand and in turn each of the other monks did the same while being offered food in silver containers by each of the guests who were on their knees, their heads not being higher than the monks.  Despite not being familiar with the proceedings we felt very privileged to have been invited to attend.  Neighbours and passers by dropped in throughout the event, which lasted about 2 hours, to offer their prayers to the monks and in returne to be blessed with holy water, and all in all it was a very moving ceremony.  After the monks had finished, they ate a veritable feast that Nit had taken days to prepare and once they had finished, the guests were invited to quieten their own rumbling tums.  The monks left after they had blessed the house and the front doors were closed in order that the head monk could write a Thai blessing on the front doors in white powder.  We were all invited back later that evening for more food and drink, which was courtesy of our host and joined in a party rather more in keeping of what we are used to!  Just as a point of interest, when the monks are proceeding through people, women are expected to move out of the way, in case of any accidental touching or brushing past that may occur!  Everyone does it.  No-one minds in the least.  It is the Thai way.

The next day, Monday, was work as usual – well for Dan anyway.  I had decided to take the day off and just relax at home around the pool.  So keen is Dan to be at the safari park every day, he’s not even moaning about his tan fading a bit!!!!  A nd for anyone who knows Dan, being as brown as a berry used to be of vital importance to him!!!!

Being brown and tanned and healthy looking is fairly high up on the list when one goes on a hot holiday or anywhere for an extended period of time.  Not so the Thais, or Cambodians or Vietnamese for that matter.  There are actually rows upon row of, would you believe it, whitening powder on the shelves of the supermarkets and 711 shops in place of where we would find skin darkening products.  They even go so far as to smooth talcum powder on exposed parts of their body to look whiter!  When we are swimming in heat, bathed in heat, swaddling in heat, they are wearing long sleeves and jeans and sometimes jackets!  This is their winter!  Maybe that’s why they are not bitten to death by mozzies either, that or the fact that they eat food so bloody spicy, it would put the hottest Phaal to shame.  Eat your heart out Bally Valley, you ain’t got nothing on these boys!!!!  Now talking of mozzies, they are an absolute bane.  We avoid dawn and dusk because of the deluge of them but still my legs resemble the texture of a chocolate-less Lion Bar!!!!  And the itch – jaysus – it lasts for days and no amount of Tiger balm seems to alleviate it.  Mind you I think most of my bites, nay welts, are accumulated when I’m up at the elephant enclosure, big mozzies are even able to leave a mark on an elephant’s hide.  No jokes here please!!!!

Our English lessons for our new colleagues are going extremely well – they have added several new words to their ongoing collection including ‘sophisticated’ (hearing them try to pronounce THAT is hysterical!),  and ‘marijuana’ (??!!?!?!) – Don’t ask!  There are about 60 or more staff at the park who we don’t get to spend as much time with so we are in the process of organizing one hour lessons for those that want it after the park has closed.  Us teachers!!!  What a turn up!  We are finding it increasingly easier to understand their language – as long as they speak fairly slowly.  To give you an example of how difficult it is, because it is a tonal language and very few if any words have more than one syllable, ‘mai mai mai mai mai mai’ said correctly, means ‘new wood doesn’t burn, does it’!!!!  This is a language exercise used to emphasis and teach the tones of each word.  We still can’t get it right.  In the course of this language exchange, we have realized that actually English is very difficult to learn too.  Because Thai, as already mentioned, is a tonal language, our ‘students’ replicate our pronunciation exactly – there are several Thais that now have identical accents to me and Dan!  We have only dipped our toes in the water of teaching English but it has become apparent just how hard it is for them too.  The words ‘snake’ and ‘snack’ two completely different words, with very similar sounds.  ‘celery’ and ‘salary’, ‘floor’, ‘four’ and ‘fall’.  See what I mean!  Mind you it’s enormous fun and we’re all getting something positive out of the experience.  Just like our new friends, we don’t go anywhere without a pen and paper so that we can jot down new words and phrases.  Dan is doing brilliantly – far better than me I have to say.

We were invited to produce a quiz for the local pub – panicked at the thought – although why heaven knows as we did it at the Kings Head week on week – we were heartened to learn that the Red Fox in Lamai, was patronized mostly by ex-pats so the language barrier was removed completely!  Three rounds of 10 questions was not such a large task to master until I learned that it was me that had to be quizmaster while Dan supped away on the free beer we had been given for doing it!  Oh Gawd!  Heart-thumping and racing pulse abounded when I had to stand up and get started.  Don’t know why I was worried – I just pretended I was back at the pub and dealt with the inevitable barracking as I would have done there.  Take no shit!  Alan, the very outspoken and Northern landlord was very impressed with my no-nonsense approach and has invited us back to do it again!  Prior to arriving up at the pub to do the quiz, we met up with our boss, Nuch, who lives next door but one to the pub for dinner.  The street that the pub, and her house is in, is on one of the main streets in Lamai, teeming with bars and restaurants, markets and hot food stalls.  We sat and ate fried rice and chicken with a tin of Thai beer, along with another couple of colleagues who live there too.  Both quite young, they were helping their English by learning guitar and singing English songs.  Expecting Lady Ga Ga and Robbie Williams renditions, we never thought we’d find so much fun in singing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ and our alphabet song with them, inhibitions cast away and giggling and laughing like kids!

Lots of strange and amusing things happen at the tiger enclosure; to mention them all would take up the blog in its entirety no doubt; but there are some which are certainly worth mentioning.  Remember, we are dealing with a 300lb Bengal Tiger,  a 200lb leopard and two, albeit it small, cubs with big teeth and claws and the penchant for play techniques that resemble playing with an angry Rottweiler!!!  To untrained ears they mew; to ours they say “meat eater, very hungry”.  

There are hundreds of tourists who come to the park every day, this is still low season so goodness knows what it’ll be like in the high season when it starts in a few weeks, and these tourists fall into three brackets when dealing with the big cats – scared shitless (most women and the biggest, hardest looking of men),  brave (the smallest of children) and devil-may-care, I’m not bothered!  (the rest of the population) HA!  They are definitely the best ones to watch getting their pictures taken with the Tigers.  They swagger into the tiger enclosure, with a smugness on their faces thinking that they are the hardest thing on the planet until they encounter Bacchio, the 12-month old Bengal, yawning and stretching out about 12 feet or so, give a few inches, on his podium!  You’ll never see a tanned face turn white in such a short space of time!!!  They are told to listen to the trainer and do as they are told.  They amount of people that are so obviously temporarily deaf is unbelievable.  Ever tried to hug a tiger that doesn’t want to be hugged!  Bulgarian visitors came the other day armed with vicious looking sling-shots!  They wanted to have their picture taken winging something at the tiger.  We agreed, so long as we could give Bacchio a fighting chance and unchain him.  Funny how quick someone can change their mind.  We’ve had middle-aged American tourists, wanting to have their photos taken topless with the cats, young girls with long hair wanting to swathe the tiger’s back in their locks!!!! 

We work with these animals every day and every day, without exception, there is something else to surprise and disappoint you with people’s attitudes.  Yes these animals are chained up for a few hours a day, yes they are used, in part, as a tourist attraction and yes, to some it may seem cruel BUT these cats have been born in captivity through no fault of their own, could not survive in the wild, they are hand fed and reared by their trainers and were it not for places like the safari park, who do look after them in as best a fashion as I have seen, would be condemned to lives of misery elsewhere in the world!  Each cat has their own trainer.  They spend 24/7 with them.  They sleep at night with them.  They shower every morning with them.  They exercise them daily.  If the cats can’t see, smell or hear their trainer, they pine!  These young fellas love and care for their furry, clawed and toothed charges as we would our beloved pet dog .

As much as we stroke and play with the tigers each day under the wary eyes of their keepers, we don’t even begin to expect that the animals like us.  We are not their trainers, we are privileged guests and we remain lightning-alert and with a VERY healthy respect for the fact that if they so desired – we’d be lunch … and that tiny little chain that’s on their neck . . .  well, it might as well be dental floss!!!!

Take care M&D x

Visas, catfish and football with the Elephants

Tuesday was a forced day off from the Park; we had to go to Nathon to renew our visas for a further month. (This saved us having to go across the border into either Burma, Cambodia, Vietnam or Malaysia to do the same thing.)  Nathon is only about 25 minutes on the scooter but we had to wait in the Immigration Office for about 2 hours to fill out forms and get the stamp in our passport.  Suppose it beats 12 hours in a minibus there and back to the border to do the same thing.   We’d just got ourselves a new bike, one that was a bit cheaper but to be quite honest it was so hard on the back for me (and it ain’t like I haven’t got enough padding to sustain a few bumps) and more’s to point, it wouldn’t pull a hen off its flippin’ nest so lame was its poke!  The old bike returned that evening!!!

We awoke eagerly on Wednesday ready for another day at the park and were delighted to find out that we were to spend the whole day not just feeding and cleaning up all things Elephant but were going to learn how to ride them properly and take the tourists around the park (with Mahout in the vicinity of course!)  Now, getting on to an elephant when you are a tourist is a piece of p… perhaps I’ll explain…  walk up the steps of the elephant station, hold on to a piece of rope and step on to the seat!  Get comfy.  Getting on to an elephant from ground level is a whole new ball game!  Fortunately, there are some very generous Ellies who will lift up their front right foot and allow you climb on, saving yourself a couple of feet, and then clamber on up to its neck.  Sounds easy?  Try it!  I must’ve tried a dozen times and just could not pull myself up.  The mahouts are far too demure and reserved to give a female a helping hand as it might mean placing their hands on said lady’s butt so I had to persevere!  Eventually after much huffing, puffing and downright hysterical laughter from the mahouts, I was on – only to come down the other side, albeit a tad quicker – and almost on my bonce!!! Dan however would seem to be a natural!  One foot on animal, one heave ho and there he is on top!  Unbeknown to me, he had already perfected the art of asking the elephant not only to lift his foot up but to raise it up with him on it to shorten the gap even further from floor to neck!  Damn I should have been paying attention instead of sharing out English cigarettes with the Mahouts!!!!  My dismount however was apparently perfect, swing leg over neck and head and slide down leg!  Straight ‘A’s for me for that manoeuvre!

My new acquantance is a 45-year old bull elephant called Ceelang.  He is so gentle (well as gentle as you would imagine a 3-tonne elephant to be).  He loves being scratched underneath his eyes and his trunk being stroked.  That may have something to do with me bringing him big bananas and corn cobs most mornings!!!  Because he has not been looked after properly in the past, before he came to our Park, his tusks are splitting and he has the equivalent of braces on – hard plastic sheeting wrapped around each tusk with metal cable ties holding them on.  He seems nonplussed at their intrusion but in any case, do you know any 45 year olds that would want to wear braces!!  Ceelang and Omm are in enclosures next to each other and are friends, demonstrated by trumpeted and banging their trunks on the floor to talk to each other.  There was a very sweet moment when they entwined trunks across enclosures; I really only thought you saw that in films romanticising the relationships that elephants have.

Dan and I are allowed to take the elephants down to be showered on our own now as the Mahouts are confident in our ability to lead them there and back on our own.  This is with the exception of Omm and baby Kwan Samui – trying to control two of them is rather challenging to say the least.  Kwan got very excited by the water, she is still not quite sure what to make of it, and was running around and ran into me – I was nearly flattened – a bit like a mini cooper running into you I would imagine.  Omm usually takes the water hose into her mouth; an elephant trunk can hold up to 4 litres of water; and then sprays it all around her, thwacking her trunk against her sides and up over her head – good job I’ve got used to not wearing make-up or drying my hair for six weeks – really would be a waste of the toiletries and cosmetics as you get soaked!  Kwan as we have recently found out is actually tickly under her armpits!  You have do tickle a bit more vigorously than you would on a human but it’s so funny, she lifts her feet up to try and stop you, wrapping her trunk around your arm, if she can reach, to try and get you to stop.  It’s the cutest thing in the world although you have to make sure she doesn’t squish your arms between her legs and her enclosure fence, that would necessitate a trip to the local hospital such would the PSI be.  We’ve learnt how to ask the elephants to lift their trunks so you can put their food directly into their mouths and as long as you keep your hand directly out of the way of their big back molars, there’s no danger of getting your hand clapped between the equivalent of two house bricks – that would certainly get your attention!!  Dan has also been playing football with some of the younger elephants, a 2-year old, and a 4 year-old.  You really don’t want to be standing in front of them when that ball is kicked.  The 4-year old has perfected a sneaky trick - just when you think she is going to kick the ball, she turns sideways and trunckeons it with her back foot instead!  Now how’s this for a Thai massage; not by the hands of an experienced masseuse but by the foot of a tonne-weight elephant.  You lie down on the floor, face down and they put their foot on your backside and gently use a pummel action up and down to effect the massage – quite surreal to by lying under the foot of a beast that big!!!

Wednesday night after work we were invited to stay behind for a drink with the tiger keepers and some of the mahouts.  They are all really great characters and they wanted us to teach them some more English!  Over the course of a few beers, a few more choice words were exchanged but the funniest thing for them, and for us, is that there are certain words and pronunciations that neither party can get our tongues round – literally!  The funniest has to bee Tee, one of the young tiger keepers who cannot for the life of him say Fish.  It’s a constant Fssssssssss, Fsssssssss, Fsssssssss and has us in hysterics!  We on the other hand, cannot say dark blue which is Cee Nam Nnnung – you  have to put your tongue in the roof of your mouth against your front teeth for the Nnnung bit and we both look we’ve been hired by Care in the Community trying to do it!!!  Whilst we were sitting alongside the guys, our boss, Nuch came and joined us and was helping out with the translations which made things somewhat easier and beside us was a gibbon called Eeeeouuuugh and a little poodle that lives on site; they were happily playing with each other with Eeeeouuuuugh grooming away at the poodle’s fur!  Another dog that lives on site is a lovely creature that just wanders about, sleeps in the shade and wags its tail at everyone.  His name is Keptop.  As he came walking over to us on this particular evening we were looking at her quite strangely and then realised why, some comedian had drawn blue glasses on his face!  The next day, a pair of pink whiskers had been added to the ensemble!

The guys were so generous and provided us with Chang beer and somebody else arrived up with the most delicious BBQ-ed catfish (it tasted like the most delicately cooked salmon you could imagine). We ate it off the table with our fingers.  They in turn smoked all my cigarettes – again!  Chang beer is very strong and is akin to drinking several pints of Stella (Hag you’d’ve of been proud of us!).  We headed off for home, thankfully only about 10 minutes away, much to the disappointment of the boys; they had expected us to stay the night with them and the Tigers!  Nah!  Don’t think so!

We had to be at work early Thursday morning, 8am, for a meeting with the all the staff and the big boss.  Everyday all the staff wear colour-coded polo shirts, Mon-Tue is green, Wed-Thur blue, Fri-Sat – red and Sunday is pink.  We had been given our quota of tops each and when Dan put his blue one on for the big meeting, it was like he was wearing blue cling-film; we were able to procure another for him just before the meeting started.  The Thais are so small, both of us have to have extra-large tops and then, they only just fit us comfortably.

All the staff of the Park were dutifully lined up with us in the first line and the big boss out front.  The meeting was, as we were about to find out, primarily to welcome us to the Park!  Oh Gawd!!  The national flag was raised as the National Anthem for Thailand was sung by everyone (we just hummed vaguely!) and after standing in blazing sunshine for about 15 minutes while he spoke to everyone, we were called out to face the staff and asked if we wanted to say anything.  Bloody hell!  We weren’t prepared at all for this.  We just asked Nuch, our boss, to say that we really appreciated that we were allowed to come to work at the Park and to thank everyone for their kindness.  They all then proceeded to bow their heads, make prayer hands and say thank-you.  The boss’s boss, then proceeded to talk for about another 15 minutes while we baked in the heat, nearly passing out before the ceremony was over.  Part of the meeting was also to thank the staff for their work and their continuing loyalty to the park and to remind them to wear the correct colour tops everyday and polite shoes (ie not flipflops!)  Thought that was hilarious – polite shoes!!!  Hee Hee.  Some of their phrasing when translated to English is so endearing.

Thursday and Friday, we were invited to take tourists up to the waterfalls on the 4x4 jeeps which is an experience not to be missed.  We were excited to find out that we got to ride on the top of the jeep, in seats directly above the cab, with everyone else in the back of the jeep. The ride up to the waterfall is challenging, the mountain road is steep beyond steep, as well as very, very bumpy and overhanging trees and branches threaten to take your head off if you are not alert and looking all around you.  Aaaaaaah, that’s why we got the “good seats”.   Doesn’t matter if the staff get beheaded, as long as the tourists are safe!!!  HSE would have a flippin’ field day here.  But that’s what makes it such fun – nature is left to nature and its us humans that need to watch out rather than ripping up trees and making concrete roads through the jungle to get to where we want to be.

Friday afternoon was spent down at the Tiger station, again helping the Thai staff to perfect their English – we tried to explain that they must be polite (which is of so much important to the Thais anyway, it’s part of who they are.)  Tourists do not like to be pounced upon and asked for money for photographs of the animals and be confronted with them trying to snatch their cameras amid shouts of “money for photo, money for photo – give camera, give camera” They have now learnt to give the information about what’s available to the tourist and politely ask them if they want them to take the pictures for them.  Each time they ask correctly, they look to us for confirmation that they have said it correctly with a ‘thumbs up’ signal and are delighted that they are getting a positive response from the tourists now – and selling many more photographs!  All in all a win-win situation.  And our boss loves us for it!

We have been invited to a Thai birthday party on Sunday morning by our friends and apparently as several Buddhist are monks coming to ‘officiate’ the proceedings we are very privileged to have been invited.  We’ll try not to get converted – however, there are no-more gentle religions than Buddhism, so who knows, the next photos you see of us may well show us with skinheads and bedecked in orange robes!

Take care M&D x

Employed Dot Com!!!

WELL!  We arrived up to our interview at the Safari Park on Thursday at 10.30am precise!, clear-headed and raring to go and waited to meet Nuch, the Marketing and Sales Manager.  We were pencilled in, in the diary at the main reception – things were looking good.  Nuch arrived and was absolutely delightful.  She was super excited that we had emailed her and offered to volunteer at the park and said we were the first foreigners, in the history of the park, that had EVER done that!  Firstly she wanted to know a bit about us, how long we were staying in Koh Samui, where we lived, what we wanted to do at the Park.  We gave her all the relevant info and said that we were willing to do whatever they needed us to do (That was to prove foolhardy later on!!!) and really felt that we were privileged even having the opportunity! She said that she would love us to come and work with them (after she had ascertained that we weren’t Greenpeace moles!) and wanted to show us around the park and explain what they were all about - we started off at the Tiger enclosure!  Bacchius is their 1-year old Bengal Tiger and we were allowed to take some photos of him with us – my God what an impressive creature (pics will follow on FB!).  We were allowed to sit by him and stroke him, right out in the open – no cages or anything.  What an absolutely amazing experience.  We were then introduced to one of two 2-month old cubs, Bernie (Bushee being the other) and under unrestricted supervision were allowed to feed, by bottle, milk to him!  He sat on our knees and put his huge paws (as big as a bloke’s hands) on ours and sucked and sucked away – slightly hairy moment as I heard Dan call out “the milk’s running out, THE MILK’S RUNNING OUT!!!!” but he was fine, just rolled over and wanted his tummy tickled, inbetween serious paw swipes and a few growls that we were assured were playful!  The cub was just fine too – curled up and went to sleep in the corner!

Next we were ushered down to meet Omm, a new mum and her baby daughter, the first baby elephant born in Koh Samui, named Kwan Samui.  Kwan was born on 2^nd October so is not yet a month old yet weighs about 1 tonne already!  She is still finding her feet and wobbles about a quite a lot – she almost looks like she’s had a few too many when she tries to run and her legs get the better of her (we’ve all been there folks!), her feet sometime get the better of her and she ends up, upended on her backside or head.  She runs about underneath her mum and it’s quite clear that she doesn’t quite know what her trunk is for yet as she keeps stepping on it!!  There are about 25 grown elephants at the Park varying in ages from the baby to about 35 others including a very naughty 4 year old that WILL not do as it’s told.  Every elephant has their own Mahout (their keeper) who sleeps at the park and is with the elephant 24/7.  They feed them, train them, wash them, and basically are their carers.  Its very obvious how much they do care for their charges as they whisper in their ears, stroke them, pet them and generally and genuinely seem to want them to prosper in the environment of the Park. 

Crocodiles were next on the list – we met several but there were numerous others than really, REALLY looked like they wanted to get to know us better – preferably over dinner!  We really did keep a safe disance from these slippery suckers.  Nuch told us that she wanted us to help the keepers with the shows in the coming weeks …. Don’t hold your breath on that one.  If they want English commentary no problem, if they want heads to stick in their jaws – we are the wrong volunteers!!!!

Cobras and Pythons came next and Christ they looked mean.  We watched the snake show and decided that we wanted to be nowhere near anything that could raise it’s body up to half it’s height and puff it’s neck out to 4 times it’s body width.  At the end of the show, we did however end up with two 15lb pythons wrapped around our bodies, necks and legs and actually loved it – they even kissed our cheeks!!!

We ended our interview with Nuch absolutely delighted by the way we reacted to everything and said she would like us to come and volunteer straight away (of course she does – we come free!!!).    She wants us to learn about animal welfare for all the animals they have, wants us to learn how to help train the animals for the shows and also to teach English to the Thai staff as well as be interpreters for the foreign tourists.  English is the common language so we are well placed to let the tourists know all about the Park and its inhabitants, their ethos and future plans.  She also wants us to be able to drive the ATVs and jeeps and take groups on the safaris and up to the waterfalls that are on the park!  The only worry she has was what they would feed us a lunch times – we said as long as WE weren’t on the menu we’d quite happily eat whatever they were going to give us (our second foolhardy mistake!!!).  Armed with our red Namuaung Safari Park polo shirts we headed home, happy and excited about starting on Friday at 8.30am!!

Take care M&D x

Koh Tao and that ONE grain of curry paste….

The one grain of curry paste that was left was vicious!  Dan’s Thai Green Curry was completely inedible it was so hot.  We ended up having to rinse the chicken pieces in boiling water and add it to rice and mayo to even attempt to eat it.  I’ll cook next time!

We were up and about for a 6am start Monday to head off by taxi and ferry to Koh Tao, a much smaller island about 2 hours away by boat.  Dan has somewhat of an allergic reaction to boats although he is making progress in that whilst still green round the gills, the urge to honk his eggs and bacon everywhere has somewhat abated!!! (Nik you should know what I’m taking about – remember Tenerife!!!)!  We arrived in Koh Tao around 10.30am after stopping off to drop passengers at Koh Phangan (home of the Full Moon Parties!) after a fairly pleasant boat trip in terms of the weather and ferocity of the sea and Dan’s colour was slowly returning!  The scenery was stunning; loads of little uninhabited islands surrounded us, their tops shrouded in cigarette smoke coloured mist and clouds!  It was quite eerie! 

We had no accommodation pre-booked so set off amid a torrential downpour to find a bed for the night!  As you can imagine at a ferry port we were hounded by touts offering tours and the like and eventually picked one who was offering cheap accommodation just 10 minutes away.  The offer of 400 Baht a night seemed too good to be true – oh and boy was it!!!  We got into a taxi and were taken to a place called Sairee Cottage – it was a dive school and inhabited by all sorts of beardy weirdies – and they were the human variety!!  The room was rank; in the middle of a sort of garden at the back of the resort, no path or anything – you had to fight your way through vegetation and the like to get to it.  There wasn’t a solid wall in the place – take that as an open invitation for anything big to crawl through the walls, doors or floors!  No, we said – we didn’t really think it would suit us and beat a very hasty retreat!  £8 a night or not!  It was at this point that we realised that we were not going to enjoy slumming it!!! 

We walked down the length of Sairee Beach, which was just gorgeous, and all along its shore it was populated with other small resorts, dive centres, bars, restaurants and bungalow accommodation.  Almost at the end of our walk we happened upon a place called Bowthong Resort – this looked OK, a huge step up from the previous place so we booked a room there.  It was a traditional Thai bungalow (a wee bamboo house on stilts) and whilst not great, would do us for that night.  The rest of the day was spent sunbathing and swimming and a miracle happened – Dan finally mastered the art of snorkelling – and LOVED it!  After some gentle coaching from me that he could in fact actually breath underwater with the aid of the snorkel and that he was not to panic as soon as his face went under the water, the urge to fill the mask up with phlegm, spit and snot finally left him.  He was off!  A huge bonus from this new found skill was that he was actually swimming in the sea – something that before, he was most uncomfortable with.

We sat on the beach eating freshly cooked corn on the cobs from the beach man and waited for sunset.  Expecting magnificence we were bitterly disappointed to see that clouds had built up and blotted out the expected sunset.  The only thing we experienced was a charge of the bloody Light Brigade of mozzies that practically bit every part of exposed flesh!!!!

More disappointment was around the corner when we returned to our room – the shower was just three strands of water, jetting out in every direction but ours so getting even damp was going to be a problem!!  Covered in sand and oil and the general grime of the day was going to be difficult to remove!!!  We sat down on the bed in the room to contemplate our fate and as the last coiled spring in it poked us in the arse we decided there was only one way to cope – go out and get blind smashed!!!!!

Dinner was great; the wine and beer even better!  We discussed our predicament with increasing enthusiasm and cries of “We’re ‘ard from the ‘Nard – we can do it”!  Encouraged by the flow of alcohol we decided to head off to another bar for a night cap before retiring to our beds!

The other bar was so much more than a bar, it was a restaurant set back in the rocks at the very end of the beach with lay-down seats and little low tables with candles on, the most attentive yet unobtrusive staff in the entire world – and they did accommodation – AND they had a vacancy – we just asked on the off chance –as you do like! I went to view it just for curiosity sake of course – NO WAY were we going to pay for more accommodation!  Oh my giddy aunt!  It was a tree house set up in the coconut palms, reached by wooden slats, with a hammock hanging on the terrace overlooking the beach.  The doors opened up to the most gorgeous room I’ve ever seen, the bedspreads were made into lotus flowers, shell curtains cordoned off the bedroom from the bathroom area, bamboo sofas and furniture were scattered around the room.  The bathroom and shower was the size of a small ship and was actually outside – yeah outside - in the tops of the trees!  It was so unique – bosh! decision made – we now had two rooms to choose from – here’s the thing – guess which one got booted!  Hmmmmmm – no shit Sherlock!!!!!  Three Long Island Iced Teas later and we never even went back to collect our stuff from the other place.  We hung out like Robinson Crusoe in our hammock overlooking the twinkling lights of the beach and all was good with the world!  7am the next morning, I scarpered off to collect our belongings and conscience won out – I paid the bill for the room even though we didn’t stay there.  You know I wasn’t dragged up!!!!! 

Day Two in Koh Tao brought a kayak adventure which culminated in us tipping each other out and it up, not once but thrice!!!!  We were just thrilled with our kayaking prowess I can tell you and kept more than a few tourists on the beach mighty amused!! Eventually we managed to get us both in the damn thing and stay upright and Dan fancied trying his hand at snorkelling in the deep water off the reef but I fear that his new found confidence was about to be dashed if he rushed into this and so gently said that I’d do it first and see if there was anything worth seeing down there.  After about 5 minutes I decided to clamber back into the kayak and as I’d spent so little time snorkelling, Dan was convinced I’d seen “something” down there and decided that yes, perhaps he shouldn’t run before he could walk on that score!!!!  The afternoon was spent on the Koh Tao Cabana sun beds – huge things, like a 4-poster double bed, with comfy mattresses and pillows and we were brought not one, but two towels each for our comfort.  This alone was worth every extra penny we spent on the room!  We were dining at the Rim Lae, the restaurant attached to the Cabana and after showering outside in the rain – bizarre and quite surreal – we were just about to head for dinner and Dan noticed a rather large spider just above our bed!  We are complete novices in knowing what will kill you with venom and what will just give you a nasty nip so hailed down to reception for “a man”!  Up he duly came and removed the offending object, chuckling away to himself, it was only a common or garden spider!  I sure he was thinking what namby-pambies us English tourists were!!!

We BBQ-ed our own dinner in the restaurant at our own table and just sat and listened to the sounds of the night; the rain drizzling away and the rumblings of distant thunder split occasionally by flashed of forked lighting.  Nature at its most ferocious.

Wednesday it was time to head home and we awoke to the most terrific storm yet.  All of a sudden the palm trees were at 45 degree angles with the force of the wind, the electricity went off, the sun just seemed to disappear – the sky was almost black.  We opened the doors to the room and sat on the terrace and just watched in absolute fascination at the weather.  Then the most horrific thought occurred ……Dun Dun Duuuuuuun ….. the ferry trip home! Oh Christ this was going to be interesting.  The next few hours pre-departure were spent begging and pleading and practically selling our bodies for anyone that had anti-seasickness pills!  After an long walk we saw a faint green cross blinking in the distance – a pharmacy!  Wahay!!!!  Saved!  Or so we thought.  The crossing was horrendous!  The huge catamaran might as well have been an origami boat!  We were getting tossed here, there and everywhere and how my wee fella managed to keep his BLT and coconut milkshake down is anyone’s guess.  He seriously manned up to the challenge and whilst he spend the entire trip standing, white-knuckled, gripped on the to hand rails at the top front of the boat, in a force 9 – not speaking, or even looking, at me – he did it – stomach contents remained in tact.  I’m not quite sure how long the green pallor will take to fade though.  Hopefully the thought of our interview for volunteer jobs at the Safari Park will help bring some colour to his cheeks by Thursday! 

Take care M&D x

PS we’ve been for the interview, got the job – you won’t wanna miss the next blog I can tell you!!!!!

Home cooked food and waterfalls

We were due to move next Wednesday to our new beachside apartment but due to the severe weather conditions have decided to stay put were we are, some good way away from the beach (about 15 mins walk).  We were told stories from the bar owner that this time last year, the tide came in so far it nearly washed the bar and its contents into the sea and there wasn’t much differentiation between the swimming pool and the waves lapping into it from the beach.  The pool is about 10 feet from what was going to be our new front door!  We are starting to come into rainy season proper and if the last few days are anything to go by, we are in for an experience.  The thunderclaps are loud enough to wake you from a deep slumber and the after-effect of the rolls are enough to keep you awake into the wee hours.  Thunderstorms at home seem to last seconds in comparison to Thailand.  They last for hours – all night sometimes.  We awake at home to knocked-off car alarms; we wake in Thailand to the constant braying of disgruntled Oxen! 

Mind you the rain does make the plantation look a bit like Jurassic Park, all fog-covered tree tops and mist swirling around them – seeing a dinosaur peering out at you over the palms would not look out of place.  The rain does bring out beautiful huge butterflies though; the size of your hands – we almost mistook them for birds.  It also has a nasty habit of bringing out swarms of mozzies too and we have been bitten to pieces these last few nights.  How can something so small be such a sodding nuisance.  No amount of air conditioning or deet spray seems to keep them at bay at the moment and what the hell ever happened to them buzzing around your ear’oles to give you a warning of the impending bite – oh no – now they have perfected their bloody noise cloaking device they have become the silent night time assassins! We are covered in what looks like skin covered smarties, so huge is the aftermath of their nips!!!

We hope that our recent blessing and a gift of a coloured string bracelet by a Buddhist monk will keep us safe from the water and the mozzies!  Not entirely sure how our 20 Baht donation towards new loos at his local temple equates to keeping our body and soul safe and well, but there you go – when in Thailand and all that!

We have been trying not to let the weather affect us though and whilst it’s not sunbathing weather its still stiflingly (is that a word!) hot.  We have been out and about on the bike and any ray of sun keeps the tan going without us realising it.  Although we don’t wear helmets on the scooter we do take one with us when we go to Nathon as you have to ride right past the main Police station on the one-way system and there are signs everywhere saying “wear safe helmet”!  We forget the other day!  Oops!  Fortunately we got away with it and avoided a 500 Baht fine (about a tenner!).  The next time we headed out in that direction, we did remember the helmet and Dan found that he was sharing headspace with a lizard and that was an interesting moment of realisation - at about 60kph!  Needless to say, the lizard is no more! 

The law is strange here – although you are required to wear a helmet in some areas, regardless of how many are ON the scooter, only one person needs to don one!  Bizarre!!!

Dan has been keeping himself regularly employed by adopting the role of pool cleaner.  Out he is with his aqua-based hoover thingamijig happy as … well…. A pool cleaner can be!  Might get our rent reduced at least!!!! On the subject of employment – we have applied to the local elephant reserve to offer our services as volunteers in looking after them and hope that comes to something as it would be just awesome to see them in that environment other than just using them as a means of transport.  On the otherside of the employment scale, we have also applied for bar jobs in Lamai, the tourist mecca, at Bondi Aussie Bar and Grill – we’re keeping in real in downtown Samui.  Dan has even been roped into providing the music round of the local weekly quiz but I’m not sure how well received 10 questions on 80s soul and Luther Vandross will be received!!!!

We took ourselves off yesterday to view the waterfalls thinking that the recent rainfall would have contributed to their magnificence!  Niagara they ain’t but nonetheless they were fairly impressive, impressive enough to endure a 30-minute elephant ride and 20-minute jeep safari to the top of the canopy to see them and for Dan to swim in the extremely deep pool beneath the very top waterfall.  He’s getting braver by the day!!!  On the elephant trek we passed all sorts of animals; from somersaulting monkeys, to deer to geese to tigers -  it is a safari park in the main but the word safari being loosely used as the animals were caged.  They looked reasonably well cared for but still, it always leaves me saddened to see them in captivity and performing for paying tourists.  Don’t suppose we can be too self-righteous though as it was a captive elephant called Gigi that took us up through the park quite happily on her back!

We have also been cooking at home and shopped accordingly at Tescos.  The pricing structure is quite unusual there – cheese is very expensive yet you can buy a massive lump of fresh ginger for about 5p! I made our first Thai curry last night and for someone who is not keen in the kitchen I have to say, it wasn’t half bad.  We saved a bit for our landlord to try and he was most impressed and said a pat on the back was in order!!!  Dan’s turn next as he claims he is a dab-hand – let’s see what he can do with a stick of lemongrass, two Thai tangerines and some beef fillet oh and the one remaining grain of curry paste!!!

Take care M&D x

Puppies on Scooters and Monkeys with Kittens….

Life is moving at a wonderfully slow pace on Koh Samui but each day is still filled with marvels.  We gathered coconuts fresh from the palms on the beach and learnt, from our Thai landlady, Yar, how to husk them.  The coconuts we see at home at the fairground bear almost no resemblance to the nut it is original state.  They are the size of melons and bright green and grow in absolute abundance all over the island.  We brought home two from the beach with absolutely no idea how to get into them, in fact we were unsure they were actually coconuts at all!!!  There is a knack …. Step 1) Big knife!  Step 2) Nimble fingers!!  Step 3) No fear of blood or severed digits!!!  Basically we have learnt the skill of hacking…  hacking to death for the first 10 minutes to get rid of all the thick green peel.  What you are left with is a white version of what we know as coconuts.  If you want the milk from the inside you make a big crack in the top and hack out a hole, if you don’t, then deftly apply a hatchet equally around the middle of the nut to break it open – and therein lies the fruit! I have never before tasted such amazing coconut.  It was moist and delicious – by the time we get coconuts at home, in comparison its really dry.  Another skill to add to our growing repetoire!

We have been learning Thai!  If you heard us speak, you’d be amazed…. : Wan jan wan ang-kaan, sawadee kah, wan pe rue hat, wan aa-tit, kar poon ca!”  Monday, Tuesday, hello, Thursday, Sunday and thaaaaaaaaaaang yooooooo!!!!  We are almost fluent as you can see!!!  Fortunately beer is beer and wine is wine so we won’t  expire just yet!!!

In all our ventures to do everything Thai we did succumb today to a roast dinner!  Yes even here, that English tradition lives on!  The meal was delish and other than a monkey beside us babysitting a 4-week old kitten it was rather like being at home in any old restaurant!!! Kids screaming and way too many Brits!!!!  Might give that a miss for the next wee while until the urge for a Sunday Roast gets too much again!!!

Riding a scooter, as we’ve mentioned before, is no mean feat on the roads here.  At first it was hairy now its just plain ludicrous, we have perfected the art of me riding the scooter, with Dan on the back, holding an 8-week old puppy,  rucksack, fishing rod and cool-bag complete with Singha (bottles of the local brew!) – Methinks that is called progress!!!!!  Still, I do think that Dan prefers to be in the driving seat with me holding the baggage!!! 

We are most definitely settling into life here including not being so paranoid about all the dogs.  Dan has a close following of several beach pooches, he looks like the Pied Piper as he wanders up and down the beach with his wee harem of canines following loyalty in his wake!  One even tries to get in the canoe with him when he goes out on his fishing quests – Sasha!  She is a wee pet and very protective of the two of us to the point that every time I go in the sea, she comes with me and just sits by my side watching out for danger!  That came in the form of a huge black, bearheaded, wolfhound beast yesterday…. Needless to say, she buggered off and left me at the mercy of a very big set of jaws!!!  Thankful the hateful creature didn’t really like the sea where I took refuge and sodded off eventually!  Not a pleasant experience.

The little local bar that we frequent now refer to us as the new locals, so much to the point that we do serve ourselves and anyone else that’s waiting, behind the bar, shortly to be renamed Maria and Dan’s, yes that is right, MARIA and Dan’s and just leave what we owe in the till!  They are so trusting and friendly its almost hard to believe in this day and age.

We are four weeks in almost and while it feels like we’ve been here for ever, it will never seem long enough.

Take care M&D xxxx